I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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