He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
