Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
