i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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