Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
