it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
