ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
