Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i will never coherently bang her
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
