I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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