I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
