is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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