Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
