i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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