Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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