I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
