I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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