and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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