his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize
