I think my fart just growled at me.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
