she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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