how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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