U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
