these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
