Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
