I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
