YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
