he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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