Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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