i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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