Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Everything about him screamed your future.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
