so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
