Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
