Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
