The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
