My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
