Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
he's gonorrhea incarnate
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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