If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
