he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
