hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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