ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
