T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
The best revenge is premature balding
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
