So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
