i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
