Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
