A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Who died my cat blue again?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
