I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
