THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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