Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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