so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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