I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
