when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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