He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
