i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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