you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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